either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Randomize
