I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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