the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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