was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
