Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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