1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this boner is exhausting
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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