He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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