one might say we're banned from that church
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
