They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
