if you like me you must not know who I am
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
