if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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