I cannot find my penis.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
