So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
