you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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