I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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