the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
