I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
