A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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