Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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