Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
a search helicopter?!
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
PANTIES FOUND
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
