I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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