dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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