Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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