We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
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i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
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and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.