Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze