You made me cry and you don't even care
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed