dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.