I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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