I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I deserve to be covered in dicks
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
