We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
