I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
