I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
