Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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