Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
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