**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
