my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
We left an ass print on the piano.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
