A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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