I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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