he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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