I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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