If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
