Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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