I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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