There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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