He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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