I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I bet he comes in French.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
