do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You've changed since you got that strap on
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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