When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
