If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
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I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
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My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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