All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
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He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
3 2 1 whiskey
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
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he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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