she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
