I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
