I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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