i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
