my soul wont recognize me after tonight
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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