Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
