Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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