so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
