His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He kissed a someone with a penis
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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