Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
