6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
